Chapter 28: In Jail

In which I face an inquisitional court and am punished for my own stupidity.

I'm writing this post from an oubliette somewhere in 6th cercle. The summons yesterday was very short. The inquisitional court consisted of a magistrate - judge and accuser in one person - and two assessors.

 

 

First, the magistrate read the accusation: "Fraternization with humans by promise of favours". From this mmoment on I knew that I was doomed. In a hell trial, the guilt and the judgement are determined from the beginning, the trial is only a demonstration of justice. In this case, the demonstration was very short: One of the assessors read the text of the favour voucher for Divine Light - the name was certainly not an aspect in my favour - then the other assessor allowed me to defend myself. I stuttered something about too short formation as tempter and the necessity of knowing the humans' customs - but after some sentences the magistrate raised the hand to command silence. 

 

Then I made an error. The first assessor said that I'm obviously guilty, but that the sentence will depend on my cooperation. He asked me if I knew a demon who had committed some kind of heresy. The Old Librarian came to my mind - he had helped me without demanding anything in return, which was a severe violation of the principles of hell. Denouncing him would certainly reduce my punishment - the more trouble he gets, the less I suffer. 1st Dogma. 

 

But something happened inside me at this moment. I don't know what, but I heared myself say "No, I don't know any heretic." When I realized what I had said, it was too late - I wanted to correct myself, yell "No, I know someone, the old librarian..." but the magistrate ordered me, again, to remain silent. Too late. Too fucking late. I was doomed.

 

After a minute of silence, the magistrate spoke the sentence: Being devoured alife by hellhounds. The execution will take place within 24 hours. The court was closed.

Chapter 26: On Cookies

In which we learn why demons are afraid of children.

I just had my first conversation with a human. It didn't go so well. Not that I had already tried to tempt a human - it was rather the other way round..

It was a little girl on a sidewalk in a residential quarter - maybe four, five years old, I dunno. She was playing tea party with her dolls and eating cookies. I had already noticed that dogs, cats and some small children (not all of them) have an uneasy sense of my presence. But when I passed, this girl looked me all of a sudden straight into the eyes and spoke to me:

"Are you an angel?"

 I was confused. What was I supposed to answer? Should I say I'm a demon? Or pretend being an angel? The best was to avoid the question.

"Do I look like an angel ?"

"No. You look funny."

She laughed. There it was: Joy, coming out of nowhere, filling her heart.  I felt nauseous.

"You look sad. Did you fall from Heaven?"

 Should I say "Yes, a long time ago, my kind was kicked out of Heaven" ? Should i say "I'm allergic on  joy"? Or should I say "Listen, child, in some days I've a summons to Infernal Inquisition because demons should not fraternize with humans, like I'm doing right now?"
 No. better to be vague.

"Sort of."

"Do you want a cookie?"

There was it again: Human irrationality. They don't get it - everybody is on his own. Maybe this was the moment to explain to this child that altruism is illogical, an opportunity to plant a grain of infernal logic into a developping soul. I could need a little success, it would make me look better on the summons. It was worth a try.

"Why would you give me a cookie?"

"You look sad. I don't want you to be sad. It makes me sad too. Besides... it's chocolate chips!"

"Listen, girl. The more cookies you give to other people, the less you have for yourself. The more you make others happy, the more you are unhappy. It's an equilibrum. Do you understand?"

 "But... I like making people happy."

  "You can't make everybody happy. It's a question of distribution of resources. You give here, you take there. There are not enough cookies for everyone."

"But we can bake cookies so everybody is happy!"

 I didn't know what to answer. There I was, discussing the First Dogma of Hell with a kid. And, worst of all, I was losing the discussion. I was not good at this. The First Dogma of Hell was not supposed to be questioned - it was the starting point of all considerations. When one assumes that one could bake cookies for everyone, that ressources could simply be created, the whole ideology was shattered. Creation was a heretic concept, the logic of the Enemy, and in contradiction with the first Dogma. One was not supposed to even think about it!

Luckily the kid's mother saved me. She appeared in the door and called "Sophie, dinner is ready!" The girl waved to me - to a demon! - and ran to the house. "Maman, I've seen an angel who was fallen from Heaven. I offered him a cookie, but he didn't want to take it, he thought it would make me sad." - "Of course, chérie, what a kind angel... Now go wash your hands."

I had the impression of having escaped from a furious giant. Never again will I try to discuss with a child - they could crush me. I'm still shivering. And musing about this sentence "bake cookies to make everybody happy" - or rather trying not to muse about. Thoughts like this can get you into serious trouble. I better avoid children in the future.

But I think grown-ups will be much easier to handle.

Chapter 18: On the 1st Dogma of Hell

In which we learn the meaning of the sentence "Abandon all hope...".

I wonder about the phenomenon of Altruism. I've seen humans helping each other without any obvious payback - only in exchange of the ominous "Thanks". Some humans seem to believe that helping each other can be of benefit for all. They call this a "win-win situation". This is, of course, total nonsense.

The First Dogma of Hell states that everybody is on his own. It can't be otherwise, because one's gain is another one's loss. When someone feels pleasure, someone else is suffering. When someone gains money, someone else loses money; When someone gets promoted, someone else gets fired. In some cases, the total loss may exceed the gain, but never the other way round. There is no such thing as a win-win situation. (There may be, however, a "win-win-lose situation", where two people agree to exploid a third one.)


In more scientific terms, the total utility of an isolated group cannot increase over time - actually, it has the tendency to decrease. (This is related to the Second Law of Thermodynamics which states that the total enthropy - in layman's terms, the chaos - of an isolated system steadily increases.) "Utility", in this context, means anything like money, food, status, luxury, pleasure, property, vital energy and so on.


This principle can be illustrated by a system of tanks, linked by tumes with pumps and valves and filled with a liquid.

 

There may be some loss of liquid over time, but never a gain. When the level in one tank raises, it falls in another one. It would be foolish to think that one can pump the liquid such that the level raises in all tanks. After a certain while, all liquid will be lost.

 

You might wonder why this didn't yet happen to Hell. After thousands of years, why didn't the total utility of Hell fall to minus infinite? Why didn't Hell dry out?

 

The answer is: Hell is not an isolated system. The cattle wagons from Hell Gate bring a steady stream of human souls, with all their remaining hopes and illusions. They are squeezed and crushed like fruits, their hope is pressed out, distilled and transformed into vital energy, refilling thus the total utility of Hell. "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here" - this sentence describes the very raison d'être of the whole soul industry.   

For me and everybody I know, this is so obvious as 2+2=4. I don't understand why some humans don't get it. Are they so stupid?

 

Or is there something else?

Chapter 17: On Favours

Where we learn that some humans think they receive gifts from Mr. Nobody.

Social interaction - what a complicated thing. I'm far from being able to describe how social interaction works, but "favours" seem to play a central role in society.

What's a favour? Well, a favour is an action (or, more generally, decision) made by a human A, which satisfies two conditions:

1. It has a certain cost for A (in terms of time, effort, money, whatever)
2. It brings a certain benefit for another human B.

Why would a being possibly do something he takes no direct benefit from? Well, I observed some possible reasons. The first two exist also in hell, the others were up to now unknown to me:

Favour exchange
The simplest of all variants. A does a favour to B, and B does a favour to A.


Money
A variant of the former: A does a favour to B, and b gives money to A, which can be exchanged against favours with anybody else.

Biology
Humans sometimes do favours to others because their "unconsciousness thingy" wants it. This usually serves preservation of the human's DNA. A typical example is raising and nourishing children:

A variant are favours done as part of the humans' mating rituals:


Religious ethics
Very popular among religious people. The idea is the following: A does a favour to B, and G does a favour to A in the afterlife, where G is any real or imaginative benevolent supernatural power (usually the Enemy).


Atheist ethics
The same as religious ethics, but without G.


Gratitude
This one is one of the most popular - and for me, the most difficult to understand. It seems to involve some imaginary currency called "gratitude": A does a favour to B, and B gives "gratitude" to A.

I've no idea how this system works, whether or not gratitude from B can be given to another person C (like money), whether or not it is quantifiable etc. I think I have heared the expression "Mille Merci !" (1000 Thanks), but often the precise amount of gratitude is not specified.

I will have to do some research to understand this social mecanism.

Chapter 5: On the Library

In which I meet something that can't possibly exist: A gentle demon.

I'm somewhat worried. In some days we are to be sent to the physical world, the so-called "reality", yet nobody cares. Corporate wants us to be prepared for the things to come, but didn't even replace the teacher.

So I went to the public library in order to find out for myself what this "reality" is. When I looked through the endless shelves of dusty books, something unusual happened, something that never happened to me before: Somebody asked me whether I need help. The person who asked was a librarian, an old demon with a broken left horn. Naturally, I assumed there was a price to pay, somewhat he wanted in exchange, but he denied, he just wanted to help.

Now that was one strange behaviour. Demons just aren't selfless. Besides being a severe heresy, selflessness is just stupid. Life is a zero-zum game, what one demon gains, another demon loses. So why would anyone let another demon gain something ? It's illogical. Unless, of course, this librarian has some very selfish reasons for this seemingly selfless behaviour. Maybe a bet or something. Of course I was suspicious, but he insisted that he won't claim any payment later - so declining his offer to help seemed almost as stupid to me than the offer itself.

I told him that I wanted to learn about reality. "I see... Junior tempter ?" he asked. "Yes." - "I was a tempter when I was younger... 17th century France... Had some great successes at the court of Versailles... Well, I guess you understant nothing of what I'm telling you. I will get you some basic works about Reality, from both humans and demons. Platon, Andromalius, Gremory..." He limped away and came back with some books. "Here, read this. If you have questions, just ask me."

Well, I think it will take a while to read all those.