Chapter 26: On Cookies

In which we learn why demons are afraid of children.

I just had my first conversation with a human. It didn't go so well. Not that I had already tried to tempt a human - it was rather the other way round..

It was a little girl on a sidewalk in a residential quarter - maybe four, five years old, I dunno. She was playing tea party with her dolls and eating cookies. I had already noticed that dogs, cats and some small children (not all of them) have an uneasy sense of my presence. But when I passed, this girl looked me all of a sudden straight into the eyes and spoke to me:

"Are you an angel?"

 I was confused. What was I supposed to answer? Should I say I'm a demon? Or pretend being an angel? The best was to avoid the question.

"Do I look like an angel ?"

"No. You look funny."

She laughed. There it was: Joy, coming out of nowhere, filling her heart.  I felt nauseous.

"You look sad. Did you fall from Heaven?"

 Should I say "Yes, a long time ago, my kind was kicked out of Heaven" ? Should i say "I'm allergic on  joy"? Or should I say "Listen, child, in some days I've a summons to Infernal Inquisition because demons should not fraternize with humans, like I'm doing right now?"
 No. better to be vague.

"Sort of."

"Do you want a cookie?"

There was it again: Human irrationality. They don't get it - everybody is on his own. Maybe this was the moment to explain to this child that altruism is illogical, an opportunity to plant a grain of infernal logic into a developping soul. I could need a little success, it would make me look better on the summons. It was worth a try.

"Why would you give me a cookie?"

"You look sad. I don't want you to be sad. It makes me sad too. Besides... it's chocolate chips!"

"Listen, girl. The more cookies you give to other people, the less you have for yourself. The more you make others happy, the more you are unhappy. It's an equilibrum. Do you understand?"

 "But... I like making people happy."

  "You can't make everybody happy. It's a question of distribution of resources. You give here, you take there. There are not enough cookies for everyone."

"But we can bake cookies so everybody is happy!"

 I didn't know what to answer. There I was, discussing the First Dogma of Hell with a kid. And, worst of all, I was losing the discussion. I was not good at this. The First Dogma of Hell was not supposed to be questioned - it was the starting point of all considerations. When one assumes that one could bake cookies for everyone, that ressources could simply be created, the whole ideology was shattered. Creation was a heretic concept, the logic of the Enemy, and in contradiction with the first Dogma. One was not supposed to even think about it!

Luckily the kid's mother saved me. She appeared in the door and called "Sophie, dinner is ready!" The girl waved to me - to a demon! - and ran to the house. "Maman, I've seen an angel who was fallen from Heaven. I offered him a cookie, but he didn't want to take it, he thought it would make me sad." - "Of course, chérie, what a kind angel... Now go wash your hands."

I had the impression of having escaped from a furious giant. Never again will I try to discuss with a child - they could crush me. I'm still shivering. And musing about this sentence "bake cookies to make everybody happy" - or rather trying not to muse about. Thoughts like this can get you into serious trouble. I better avoid children in the future.

But I think grown-ups will be much easier to handle.