Chapter 19: On Joy

In which we learn why joy is a problem for hell.

This morning I've seen two children playing on a playground, with their mother looking at them - full of joy. Nobody was hurt in the process, nobody suffered - except me who was somewhat disgusted - there was even no money to pay for the playground. Just three creatures enjoying life. They even started laughing, it hurt my ears.

You won't be surprised to learn that Hell doesn't like joy. Joy is not only an unpleasant experience for a demon, it's a major philosophical problem. Remember the 1st Dogma of Hell which states that no utility can come out of nowhere? Well, joy gives the impression of doing exactly this. In our "liquid" example, it's like liquid materializing randomly here and there, refilling the levels in the tanks:

Note to the censor: i dodn't actually say that the 1st Dogma doesn't hold in this case - I said it gives the impression. Of course, this can't be, it's like a machine creating energy from nothing. This is not pure theory - R&D has tried for centuries to create joy, but in vain. It's possible for us demons to create distractions, pleasure, even ecstasy - but joy? Nope.

But how to explain the phenomenon of joy then?

Some infernal scientists think that joy is "spontaneously teleported utility". The idea is that if joy appears, it must come frome somewhere - someone must be paying or suffering for this.Every occurence of joy is compensated by some "senseless suffering" somewhere else. In layman's terms, every time you are happy, God kills a puppy.

Some other think that joy comes from heaven - but caution, this hypothesis is heresy, and even thinking about it can get a demon into serious trouble with the Policical bureau. And it is, indeed, not possible that all the joy rains down from heaven, otherwise heaven would have a huge utility deficit and "dry out".

The current official doctrine is that joy doesn't really exist. It's a delusion, a kind of mental halluscination, and it damages the human's intelligence. Joyful humans show often irrational, stupid behaviour such as selflessness or worse.

Personally, I stick to the official doctrine (it's not that I had the choice), although there are also arguments for the "God kills a puppy" theory.